onward

The talks I alluded to in the last adoption post did happen. They did not go well. The Russian door has now closed firmly. Their government refuses to budge, so even if a family has received a referral (which we did) or has made their first trip (which we didn't) or got a court date (we weren't even close), they are done. The law is the law and stands as written. Most, if not all, of the kids were released from the 'reserved' list and are adoptable again.

I've taken my time getting to this post. I haven't been ready for sympathy*. The pain was too intense and I didn't want to hear 'God is in control' or that everything happens for a reason or speculations about what God is doing. 

I also wasn't ready for 'so what are you going to do now?' because we just don't know**. That question also is not allowing us to a. grieve and b. daily rest in God's plan. b. is already really hard to do, so the extra pressure of needing to know 'what's the next step' is stressful.

Here's a really good article about how to Not Say the Wrong Thing. And though we didn't have a physical loss, here's some good advice for after a miscarriage, parts of which you can apply to our situation, too.



We watched a movie in youth group a couple of weeks ago, and the main Bible verse used in that film is Proverbs 3:5-6. Though the whole thing is appropriate for the storyline, the section that one should 'lean not on your own understanding' jumped out at the main character. And it jumped out at me, too. I'm trying very hard not to lean on my own understanding in this situation, but it's tough.




*I was totally ready to be able to cry and receive hugs and 'I'm sorry'. But that's it.
**Poland has a few hiccups we weren't expecting.